let me go on

i'm thirteen
but i feel i'm so much older
stepfather likes to teach with his hand
i'm so shy
but i'm getting so much bolder
doing things that no one else can understand

i don't want it
no i just need some time away
i don't need your saviors or sins
there's nothing left for me here
i've got no reason to stay

i cry out in my sleep when i'm not so alseep
there's something down there that wants me, i know
it's been so long since i felt this growing aching need
but this stupid town won't let me go

i don't want it
no i just need some time away
i don't need your saviors or sins
there's nothing left for me here
i've got no reason to stay

let me go on
let me go on
it's been far too long
far too long

i'm dressed up because it's as close to expression as anyone down here is going to get
we're still trapped
and we're all just only guessing
and this town is going to drag us down yet

i don't want it
no i just need some time away
i don't need your saviors or sins
there's nothing left for me here
i've got no reason to stay

i've been hurt
and i know i've done some hurting
and sometimes it pulls apart at the seams
i'm so gone and my friends are getting worried
say i'm spending too much time on these dreams

i don't want it
no i just need some time away
i don't need your saviors or sins
there's nothing left for me here
i've got no reason to stay

let me go on
let me go on
it's been far too long
far too long

regrets, i guess i can't say that i have none
but something tells me that i'll be all right
something tells me i'm gonna be all right

know love

my sister
she was raped by a black man
i didn't think it mattered, the color of his skin
but some people thought that it should
she said "father, forgive them, they know not what they do..."

and i knew then that she knew love better than they could
i knew then that she just knew love better than they could

i saw a boy about 6, quiet, serene
playing jacks in the park
some kids came down from up the hill
started fucking with him because he was dark
i broke it all up before it could start
i looked into his eyes and i could see his broken heart
i took his hand in mine
asked "what can i do?"
he said "paint me up white so i can be like them and you."

what else could i say?
i said "you don't want that"

there was a man down my street
he had funny ideas
and he talked to himself. a lot.
one night around ten he was sitting on a bench doing nothing
and he found himself shot
his eyes stayed wise but he never walked again
he said, "they took nice cents... it was all that i had"
and when i asked him how he really felt about that
he said "they must have needed it bad"

and i knew then that he knew love better than i could
i knew then that he just knew love better than i could

unfinished 637

and now we sleep
how much of this was a dream?
and now i raise my head from the earth that was my bed
but i won't let the night penetrate me

so hush baby
it's just the wind that's calling to me
and i promise not to follow
i'll still be here tomorrow
don't waste your thoughts on the likes of me

lost or found?
i don't believe you still come around
if a tree fell south in the forests of your mouth
i still don't think you'd make any sound

the phantom of the living room

how'd you make me fall away?
forget about the choices that we made
the way we laughed and played
now push me off and call me names

naked now and so afraid
though i may seem big i feel so small
did you notice that at all?
i feel so small...

and now you've seen my face again
and said i'm ugly
and now you've seen my face again
i leave it to you where to go from here
where to go...

slap the face again
i guess it's my fault for leaving it there
all i ever needed was a friend
somebody show me someone cares

is there anybody out there?
is there truly anybody ever really out there?
i don't know and i don't care
i never liked phys. ed. anyway

and now you've seen my face again
and said i'm ugly
and now you've seen my face again
i leave it to you where to go from here
where to go...

like a child

i remember the days, but moreso the nights
i remember the chill
that white winter bite

i remember the fire set so deep in your eyes
i remember the way you looked just like a child

but if i could go back,
what could i say?

it was more like some severity
split and drawn and you severed me
and i can't forget how i hit my knees
that night i smashed your picture
and i screamed and i screamed and i screamed

i threw the phone and the phone was dead
so i hit the walls with my fists and head
and i wouldn't sleep
for the things i dread would find me in my empty bed
my bleeding hands
my aching head

but if i could go back,
what could i say?

just stay for a while
like an icicle slide further in to this heavy-eyed child
just never believe the things that you see
when you peel back the skin
it can never be if you think what you see is me